Restricted in Infinity – a poem where I highlight possibly unavoidable or unanswerable, subconscious thoughts I seem to have with bipolar

In this poem that is written mostly in A,B,A,B format. I try to express some of the issues that I have with my thoughts, how they translate on paper, and how they are seen from another perspective by the general consensus of people. I want to highlight a topic and explain it before it is misconceived (which could happen easily by taking the words for face value). I appreciate all of the help I have had from the NHS, Doctors and Psychiatrists that have worked with me. And I know it seems like I am pinning the blame on the Doctors, but it is just me lashing out on this condition that I have no control over. The only ‘cure’ is a permanent sedative. I know no better way for this at this time in life, history and society, but it doesn’t mean I don’t get frustrated with having pretty much no option for stability or support without taking a mind altering legal chemical on a prescription and I’m supposed to just be fine all the time with that.

I also question existence. I know that we have much, much more than our predecessors and ancestors on this planet. We even have more than we did as children (on the most part). More freedom, more choice in way of life, more education, more technology, options for religion, and what we want to do with our free time. But this can be quite heavy on our mortal minds. So much choice can drag any man down to the oblivion depths of insanity.

 

I don’t remember being created,

But, I know I’m being created now.

From my that that’s called serrated,

By the Doctor that does vow.

To cure what cannot be cured,

This this pill forever more.

Now my madness has been lured,

Into history forever stored.

And thus my ‘saviour’ claims I’m cured,

Eat these pills, my reward.

 

I wasn’t here at when time did start,

But, I was here when my time started.

Every love I have ever felt in my heart,

Could be real when I become departed.

As my memories are all I see,

Even in the present I am surrounded by the past.

Is it so difficult to agree,

Some idea awoke in me and laughed.

It seems I can can be haunted,

As easily as being thought about.

Especially if I can’t answer what I wanted,

I can’t move until these feelings fall out.

 

I wasn’t here at the beginning of existence,

But, I was here at the beginning of mine.

I am not who I was when I had my first dance,

But, that’s still me, so my question is this time.

If I can be two, am I infinity?

If you never knew, am I teaching when I show a new part of you too?

Why does life still feel a calamity?

If you could have everything, why so sad are you?

 

[Written: 2025-08-12]